Dating Advice For Women – I’m Seeing This Guy – The Indefinite Relationship

Last week, a client called to discuss his current dating experience. Roseanne mentioned that she is dating a guy. Something like? What does that mean?

I’ve actually heard this term before from a man. In fact, now that I think about it, it seems to come up from time to time. “Something like” seeing someone is a phrase that means that the situation is currently undefined.

Roseanne explained that Bart doesn’t want to define the relationship. The keyword there, if you ask me, is RELATIONSHIP! He may not want to define it, but that doesn’t change the fact that they ARE IN a relationship whether he likes it or not. What type of relationship? Well, that’s another story.

Indefinite generally means casual, as in not serious, that is, not committed. Could he be dating others? Maybe, maybe not. Hard to say since it’s not defined, right? But it does imply a certain freedom.

When I asked Roseanne how often she sees Bart, her answer took me by surprise: four times a week! That’s enough for an indefinite relationship. I was curious as to how she feels about this man she spends so much time with. It turns out that he occupies 75% of his heart (obviously an approximation).

With three quarters of her personality and heart centered on Bart, Roseanne isn’t really available for dating. Just from a simple time perspective, she doesn’t have it. But from an emotional point of view, she is not really open to others. She likes Bart and she hopes that he will be willing to settle her situation soon.

And to be fair to Bart, it’s only been three months. It is still early.

In a dilemma about how to proceed, Roseanne and I brainstormed a few ideas. She is not ready to go, nor should she. But she doesn’t want to be exclusive when she’s not in an exclusive relationship: smart cookie. The result, she has decided to continue seeing Bart, but not as often. Maybe twice a week instead of four times. That will leave her with free time to meet new prospects in case Bart decides she never wants more from this relationship than something casual.

This is where Roseanne and I discuss dating with her head and her heart. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is very sensible. She admitted that after three more months of this pace, she would be completely absorbed and in love. By backing off a bit, Roseanne gives Bart time to think and a chance to protect her heart and meet new people.

If you find yourself in this situation, do not despair. If you are looking for casual fun then no problem. But if you want a lasting love and marriage, think about how you could minimize the negative risk and enjoy the experience for what it is: meeting someone to see if there IS long-term potential. That’s the point of dating, or data collection, as I call the process.

Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship. When you define dating this way, it can really help keep your mind clear and your heart open for the right partner who is ready for you.