multicultural chaos
There we were, newlyweds, living thousands of miles from either of our homes, in Durham, NC, where he was studying medicine. My husband was from Texas and I was from the north shore of Chicago. We ourselves come from two different cultures, and now we are together in a new one. It turned out to be culture shock on top of culture shock as we adjusted to each other and to the cosmopolitan student body at Duke Medical School.
CULTURE IS LEARNED
Culture is something we learn. It’s not related to race or ethnicity, religion or anything else, but it appeals to all of those groups and especially if we’ve only lived in one place, moved only in one social group and/or haven’t been exposed to other cultures, we tend to think of our own culture as sacred. However, so does the other person!
As we enter an exciting new world of global interaction, there will be culture clashes. Let’s continue looking at this through my Thanksgiving Story.
PLAYERS
The first Thanksgiving came and friends from New England invited us along with 6 other couples. The guests included a man from the Dominican Republic married to a woman from Spain; a couple from Missouri; a man from New York married to a woman from Brazil; two French Canadians from Quebec; and two Australians who were not medical students but friends from the neighborhood. The religions represented were Protestant, Catholic and Jewish. And, I might add, it included both men and women.
As friends do, we all talk to each other before the event, during and after. A lot of this had to do with figuring out what was going on with all these nationalities represented. We split into factions over what was “right” and what was “wrong,” often switching sides with different issues.
TIME AND COMMUNICATION
“Why not?” my husband asked. “When are we eating?” My husband liked everything organized and without surprises. I was more flexible, but willing to dive in and explore, so I called the hostess. “It’s buffet,” she said. I searched for more information, such as when we were expected to leave, and if I could bring anything, hoping he would reveal the menu. His answers were typically New England, short and to the point.
“Didn’t you find out anything?” asked my husband, when I came back empty handed.
“She didn’t offer anything,” I said. “I did my best.”
“Why didn’t you ask him the questions directly?” he said.
“Because that’s rude,” I told him.
“You are too polite,” he replied.
“Then next time you call,” I told him.
“That’s the woman’s job,” he replied.
We and the Missourians arrived at noon: 11, which was our cultural dictate; a few minutes late to allow the host and hostess to make last minute adjustments, but no more than 15 minutes late. The French Canadians and Australians arrived about 30 minutes later. Couples that included a Latino arrived an hour or two after noon.
“How rude,” said the New Yorker. “How are we supposed to plan? What do you do when you invite the Gonzalezes?”
“Relax,” said the Australians. “We all have children. Things happen.”
The French-Canadians talked to each other in French, clearly not liking the tardiness, then smiled and said, “Isn’t it a wonderful Thanksgiving?” avoiding dissent.
The Latinos didn’t seem to realize that their entrance was something out of the ordinary. They were busy hugging everyone and having a good time!
The way we treat time varies greatly between cultures. We had already had our cocktail hour by the time the Latinos arrived and were ready to eat, but we felt they should also have time for a drink and a little chat. It was an awkward moment. Somewhere there was also a football game involved, the time of which he got wrong.
“Don’t worry about the soccer game,” the Dominican said. “This is Thanksgiving.”
“Thanksgiving IS the football game,” my husband told me, quietly, angry about that and also that he hadn’t eaten anything.
THE DRESSING
All members of the medical school contingent were dressed up and in festive clothing. Australians wore blue jeans. The social group also has pull.