Sports

The best horse names of all time

There are many rules when it comes to naming a horse, for example, no obscenities, you can’t repeat the name of a Triple Crown or Breeders Cup champion, and if a horse is in the hall of fame, his name is off limits, so it forces horse owners to get creative.

I searched the internet; I’ve called up some of the best horse specialists I know looking for the best, the coolest, the most suggestive and downright questionable names we could come up with.

When I made my selections, I wondered if this name makes me smile. Does the name create a powerful image in my mind? Can I say this name in front of my mother without feeling uncomfortable? Let’s take a look.

the last 10 years

The Jockey Club has definitely beefed up what it considers to be acceptable thoroughbred names, so the last ten years aren’t nearly as colorful as the 100+ years before. These are some of the best horse names from the last 10 years.

Funny Cide – The 2003 Derby winners’ name is a play on their father’s name, Distorted Humor, and their mother’s, Belle’s Good Cide. But to me, the name Funny Cide sounds like a Superman villain, sort of a Bizarro World version of Jack Kevorkian.

Big Brown – Named after UPS, Big Brown delivered the perfect product placement. UPS contractor Paul Pompa Jr. named his horse after his biggest customer. Now, if only Kit Kat bars and Bombay Sapphire Gin would name a horse after me.

Stevie Wonderboy – Owner Merv Griffin said of his horse, “My horse is not blind, he just wears big sunglasses.

really cool names

Tabasco Cat – The 1994 Belmont stakes winner was as spirited as his name suggests. The Tabasco Cat put the son of trainer D. Wayne Lukas in a coma for several weeks after getting lost during a training session.

Nutzapper – Nutzapper was the name given to Andy Hillis’s gelding until the Jockey Club discovered that the name had nothing to do with cooking chestnuts in oil. The horse is currently called Awaiting Justice.

Ghostzapper – OK, maybe I like the name zapper for a horse, but Ghostzapper didn’t just have a cool name; He has the heart of a lion. After winning the 2004 breeders cup he could have retired to stud, earning $200,000 a round (my fees are significantly less), came back for one more race and easily won the 2005 Metropolitan Handicap.

ready for battle

Every day in the world of sport we use the analogies of war and horse racing is no different, here are some horses that I would have gladly ridden into battle.

Man o’War – Man o’War won all but one race. Who was the only horse that beat the legend? The horse that defeated him was named “Upset” and thus popularized the term for an underdog victory.

War Admiral – Sired by Man o’War, War Admiral was the winner in 21 of his 26 starts with 3 places and a show, the only race the Admiral lost was his 1938 race against Seabiscuit, but on the plus side, they all we got a fantastic movie for it.

Battleship – This horse did not sink, Battleship was the only horse with the American Grand National and the prestigious British Grand National.

The boy stays in the picture

The entertainment industry and the horse racing industry often go hand in hand. Several horses take their names from their famous owners or from big movie productions and Hollywood, always on the lookout for a good story, will produce a blockbuster with one of these famous Thoroughbreds. Please note that the Bobcat Goldthwait Hot to Trot vehicle does not fall into the category of best sellers or famous Thoroughbreds.

Seabiscuit: The aforementioned Seabiscuit was a rags-to-riches story, albeit a bit overblown in Hollywood’s interpretation, but it gave American audiences hope during the depression of the 1930s. In fact, Seabiscuit and his victory in the “Party of the Century” on Man or War was the most popular story of 1938 and received more columns in print than any person or thing that year. President Franklin D Roosevelt was second and Adolf Hitler was third.

Pharlap – The Australian Wonder Horse was the subject of a fascinating 1983 film named after him. The horse was too good; winning 37 of the 51 races he entered, but being so good, Phar Lap made some enemies. Just three days before the 1930 Melbourne Cup, mobsters tried to kill the horse. Phar Lap survived this attempt on his life, he won the Cup with the lowest odds (8/11) in history.

Afternoon Deelites – We all know what afternoon deelites are and being owned by ultra-smooth songwriter Burt Bacharach makes this horse that much cooler.

That’s a silly name for a horse

The Belmont Stakes has a history of crushing the dreams of 20-horse Triple Crown hopefuls, including last year’s Big Brown, winning both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness before succumbing to the Belmont. During the early years, the Belmont also had a strange streak of winners with strange names, quite strange for Thoroughbreds.

1875 – Calvin

1889 – Eric

1905 – Tanya

1908 – Colin

1928 – Vito

The Preakness Stake had a couple of champions named after my aunt and uncle.

1876 ​​- Shirley

1879 – Harold

I hope this dark period in racing history never repeats itself.

i feel drunk

The great thing about the Kentucky Derby is all the traditions that go along with the first Saturday in May. The well-dressed gentlemen, the women in hats they would never wear outside of Churchill Downs, and of course my favorite, the Mint Julep. Google the recipe, it’s a fantastic combination of Kentucky bourbon, peppermint, powdered sugar and water. Many recipes I will not tell you, but I will tell you a little secret. The key to bringing out the unique flavors of a Mint Julep is to drink it from a metal mug.

Let’s take a look at a couple of names inspired by alcohol.

Go For Gin – Dominated a sloppy track in 1994 to win the 120th Kentucky Derby and gave trainer Nick Zito his second Derby winner in 4 years.

Not Bourbon: This 2008 Canadian Queen Plate winner could contend for next year’s Kentucky Derby, but his name guarantees he’ll be treated like an outsider in Makers Mark land.

How times have changed. Where was Al Sharpton when we needed him?

We all know America hasn’t always been so good to black people, but looking back, it’s pretty amazing how far it’s come. Here are some real horses registered through the Jockey Club and the year each was registered. Multiple years means multiple horses were registered under the same name. You can defend the horses named before the height of the civil rights movement, but for the 3 horses registered after 1975 you just have to shake your head.

Tar Baby (1944, 1975 and 1985)

Uncle Remus (1944 and 1965)

Brunette (1950)

Uncle Tom (1950),

Jungle Bunny (1953)

Blackface Minstrel (1980)

The most notorious example of this lax record was a third-place finish in the 1911 Preakness Stakes. Well, let’s just say the name rhymes with bigger and Chris Rock and Dr. Dre use it frequently.

Can they say that on TV?

The late Great Comedian Bill Hicks was ahead of his time, his comedy was often above the heads of his audience, resulting in some grumbling and some heckling from an impatient audience. His response was simple: “Wait, wait, Dick’s jokes are coming.” So I’ll close with this slide dedicated to the cock jokes of the horse racing world. These are some of the most risqué, sexually suggestive and dirty horse names of the last 150 years.

Lagnaf – (1978) An acronym for Let’s all get naked… I’ll let you figure out the rest

Shattered Em (1983)

Golden Shower (1955)

Bodacious Tatas (1985)

Blow Me (1945)

Semen Rocket (1969)

Most Minor Date (1998)

And finally I will close with two of the best.

In 1969 there was a horse that ran in Aqueduct called Cunning Stunt, let’s say 5 times as fast.

And of course YouTube sensation Hoof Hearted.

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