The Psychology of Friendship and Success
One of the main reasons most people do not achieve their final goals and dreams in life is because they are emotionally and psychologically unprepared to handle the loneliness and isolation required to evolve to the next level of success. When your friends call you and ask you to go to the movies, eat something or hang out at your favorite club, you will be forced to decide whether spending time with them is the best use of your time or not, since I have 2 exams and a research paper within a week. Most of us will make the wrong decision many times before doing our best to achieve our goals.
I’m going to tell you a secret. When you are between the stages of evolution toward your next level of success, that is when you are most likely to feel isolated by family and friends. You are psychologically in a cocoon. Listen carefully to understand what is happening to you. There are many habits from your old lifestyle that you need to get rid of before you can move to the next level. For example, if you frequently partied until the wee hours of the morning, drank too much alcohol, or were involved with too many sexual partners, these habits may prevent you from focusing on your academic or career goals with the degree of intensity required to have. success.
Like most people, at first you will struggle with the ‘old you’ and the ‘new you’ that is trying to emerge. Instead of rejecting your friend’s invitations to come and hang out, you will say yes and wake up the next morning thinking, “Why the hell did I go out last night?” Now, people who are already where you want to be will not find it attractive to befriend you just yet. These people are serious. They are much further along their path to success. They are not interested in people or activities that delay them in achieving their goals. When you become one of them psychologically, you will find that the door of new friends opens to welcome you. It’s not so much that these people are your friends, per say; it’s just that they share the same psyche of interests and experiences and will be able to relate and discuss issues of importance to others.
Here are some points to consider when trying to maintain friendships on the road to achieving your dreams:
1. True friendships never die, they may seem to fade during periods of significant change, but remember this is a necessary transitional stage to give you the space you need to grow. A true friendship will stand the test of time as you adjust to your new role in life. Don’t let anyone’s perception of who you should be and how you should act prevent you from making the changes necessary to make your dreams come true.
2. When you reconnect with your old friends, you will never be the same again. The friendship will preserve the most important roots that will connect them, such as being able to share their most intimate secrets or play poker. The love will remain pure, but you will enjoy your time together as well as your time apart.
3. As women, we tell too much of our personal, intimate and private affairs to other women. We talk about the size and shape of our partner’s penis, how often we have sex, every detail of our conversations with our lovers, and how much we hate our bodies within days of meeting. I know that as a psychologist, female brains are biologically wired to share secrets and gossip, but in order for us to compete in business, we must learn to separate our personal lives from our professional lives. Maintaining an emotional distance from others will allow us to get along much better as acquaintances and business partners. I can’t count the times that I shouldn’t have exposed my underbelly by trying to fit in or by meeting a new acquaintance.
4. Loyalty, honesty, trust, and favor take time to develop in any relationship, and friendship is no exception to the rule. Don’t make the mistake of waiting too soon for a friendship. A shared interest in yoga, book club, or salsa dancing does not mean that this person should be entrusted with the key to your house or the intimate details of your new romance. When you share personal information with the wrong person, you are giving them ammunition to make achieving your goals more difficult.
5. Be aware of the fact that their interests in you and your friends – “friends” – also have the potential to turn you and your friend into mortal enemies. Friends often find the same type of man attractive, enjoy the same taste in clothing, and have similar interests or career skills. Say, for example, you and your friend meet the same big guy at the same time, but he chooses your friend over you. They marry, have babies, and live happily ever after in la la land. Can you really be happy for her? If you are really happy with your life and who you are, you could be happy for your friend; otherwise, you may experience feelings of jealousy and insecurity. If both you and your friend apply to graduate school and your friend is accepted and you are rejected, this will have an impact on your friendship.
6. Sometimes friends unwittingly sabotage your success. Some people believe that if you want to lose weight and develop an exercise routine, it is best to make friends with a friend. Personally, I think this is a big mistake. If you start to lose weight and your friend isn’t, you can start to discourage him from exercising by suggesting other activities. If your friend is not doing well in school, they may use creative ways to distract you from studying. Unfortunately, if your friend is having trouble maintaining or attracting a romantic relationship, she may do and say negative things to undermine your relationship with your partner.
7. Friends can feel uncomfortable in friendship when roles change; If you stop being the ugly, dumb, or fat friend, your friend may feel uncomfortable. If your friend has always been the one to attract the attention of men and you suddenly become the “pretty one” believe me, this change will have an impact on the friendship. If the friendship is true, your friend will adjust and your bond will become even stronger.
8. Be aware of friends who are envious or jealous of your ambition and success. I have found that most people are unaware of their insecurities or motives for destroying you and ultimately your friendship. But remember that on your way to success, you will unintentionally leave people behind. As you grow and evolve, many people will become insecure about the ties that bind their relationship with you. Your friends do not know their role or where they fit in your new life and in many cases this insecurity will cause them to do and say things that will hurt you, in a twisted effort to save the friendship.
9. Don’t be afraid to let go of friends and family who cannot accept and respect the person you have now become. You will find friends from your past who will only want to talk about the good times, when you were drunk, broke, heartbroken and discouraged. You will know them because they will often say, ‘remember when …’ No matter how much it hurts, you need to eliminate people from your life who refuse to see not just the old you, but the new you. A former best friend told me, “Sandy, who do you think you are? You’re just a poor black girl from Detroit, with a GED, who thinks she’s somebody. I can’t wait for you to see it. You’re no one special and you know your place in life. “
10. Your friends, friends, the people with whom you relate or whatever you want to call them, are the most faithful reflection of who you are and what you think of yourself. If you surround yourself with people who are not trusted, it is because you feel that you deserve their friendship. You don’t choose your family, but you sure choose your friends. The most important thing is that you take a deep and moving look at yourself. Would you want yourself as a friend? Do you tell secrets that your friends ask you not to tell? Do you flirt with your friends’ husbands or boyfriends? Deep down, are you jealous of your friend’s success or happiness? You must be a true friend to have a true friend. Know yourself. If you are not happy and do not trust who you are, it will be very difficult for you to find a true friendship.
11. An honest, loyal, and true friend is a person who is happy with himself, confident, and has extremely high self-esteem. People who live their dreams and are true to their calling are the best of friends.
12. Lastly, my brother General George always says (and I agree with him) that people always reveal their knife before stabbing him in the back. Listen and pay close attention to what your friends say and do. If she is betraying another friend, this is an indicator that she will be betraying you too. It is very rare that we are surprised by someone’s behavior.
13. Sometimes the universe, life, or God (whatever concept resonates with your spirit) will isolate you from other people to allow you to focus on your life purpose. What may be perceived as jealousy or disagreement are actually “spiritual events” that are used to remove social and emotional distractions from your life. In the purest and deepest spiritual sense, no one is to blame when relationships dissolve. Your friend can no longer accompany you on your journey to success. They are not meant to go where you are going, but it does not mean that they should never have been a part of your life and who you will ultimately become as a person. Always be positive and wish him the best.