Can self-remembering save my marriage?

The concept of self-remembering means focusing on one’s inner space and at the same time focusing on the outside world and doing so in a balanced way. There is great difficulty in doing this practice and staying in the present moment. We look to the future, thinking that there is more there than here. We chase the elusive future or dwell on the past that may or may not be so good.

Take a moment and go look for your past. Is it something you put in your closet or are you paying to keep it? Did you need a truck to pick it up or is it compressed into a zip file? If you are like the rest of the human race, your past is only in your memories, in your imagination. How much energy do you spend keeping pieces alive and growing?

In a marriage, sometimes the past becomes a living thing that keeps digging into our hearts. Are you guilty of bringing up old hurts and pointing them at your partner? If you must think about the past, why not focus only on the good things? It takes no more time and will build rather than destroy your marriage.

Now take a moment and find out where you plan to store your future. The same applies here. The only future you have is right at this very moment. Do you want to mess it up by thinking the grass is greener there? Or do you want to make this moment and every moment from now on be one in which you become the person your partner will respect and cherish? Do you want to choose to keep your marriage on a stronger footing and in the present by remembering that the past is over and that only this moment matters?

When you are present, you are objective; that is, you have no other object than your self. You can focus without words and just be present. You do not have to personally identify or take personal events or actions. In this moment you are completely content, connected and at peace. You remember yourself.

Learning the skill of self-remembering, of being present, can be helpful in all relationships. When a person feels like they don’t have space or are too confined, this exercise will expand the space and help the person stay connected to themselves and to others at the same time.

For deep and lasting relationships like the one you want for your marriage, learning to be in the moment is a skill worth learning, so divorce yourself from the tyranny of your past and stay fully present. There is no greater miracle than being present, being in the “now”. Everything begins and never ends from this. Endings are an illusion because the present is an eternal now.