Dating For Men, Spiritual Dating I – How the ‘not-me’ can make you and your finer self date

In dating, you’d be surprised how many great insights you can get from Eastern wisdom. And one of the things that I have always liked about Eastern wisdom in general and the Tao Te Ching in particular is its practicality.

Before, I associated spirituality with some guy in a long robe throwing things over crystal power and channeling dead ancestors and whatnot.

But here was this book, the Tao Te Ching, that gave you these paradoxical-sounding concepts that made your life *better* when you applied them. crazy huh

Now, I’m a practical guy. Which means I start out as a skeptic, try an idea and see if it works for me.

If it does, then hallelujah. Game on. That’s how I got into hypnotherapy, and that’s how I got into Eastern wisdom.

I call this ‘open-minded skepticism’, and I encourage you to try it for yourself. In the month-long tutorial program I have used many seemingly esoteric concepts derived from Buddhist, Hindu, Tantric, and Taoist traditions. My job is to get them down to earth and make them eminently usable. To give you results here, now, on this planet. Not just real women in your life, but also a sense of inner peace and real power which, oddly enough, makes it so much easier to have more women (or that one special woman) in your life.

So let’s talk about this notion of no-self, or ‘anatta’ as it is called in the Buddhist tradition. For scholars, ‘anatta’ is the Pali word; ‘anatman’ is the Sanskrit term. You’ve probably heard from a variety of sources that ego is bad, there is no good ego. And by the way, there is no ego. What the hell does that mean? And how do you make it work?

Well, there’s the old river metaphor. If you are looking at one, close your eyes and open them again, it may seem that it is the same river, but it is not. Every molecule of water in it has moved, the banks have shifted by a minuscule amount, and it’s not quite the same river as before. It’s like it’s new every moment.

The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus said it like this: “You never bathe twice in the same river.”

And so it is with you. Just now, you took a breath of air and trillions of air molecules were exchanged in your lungs. Millions of neurons fired when you just read the last sentence, and you are effectively different than you were five seconds ago.

So this isn’t just a metaphor, it’s real. Of course, some structures remain stable, allowing people to recognize you from one day to the next. But fundamentally, there is no fixed ‘me’ to anything.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is in a state of constant flux.

Now what happens with us people is that we tend to cling to some notion of a fixed self. “I’m of a certain nationality. I’m of a certain ethnicity. My name is Dan. I’m a fan of such and such a team. I’m not a party guy. I like this. I’m offended by that.” I am this type of person. I’m not that kind of person”.

Oh really.

What if I told you that you can give yourself permission to suspend that notion of a fixed self, just for a moment? And that this suspension would allow you to get better results in life and have a lot more fun?

Since these articles are all about dating, let’s examine this concept of ‘not-me’ in the context of, what the hell, dating.

Once again I present to you gentlemen the concept of the Dating Pipeline. Briefly, the seven steps are:

1) Find.

Do you go to places where there are women you are interested in? What is the size of the total group of women in your living area that you could date?

2) Know.

Of the ones you like, how many are you saying ‘Hi’ to?

3) Get contact information.

Well, you’ve already made the first contact. Did you get a phone number or email?

4) Follow up.

Did he really call or write her in a timely manner?

5) Second meeting.

Did that follow up turn into a date?

6) Progress to intimacy.

Did you kiss, or more?

7) Third meeting and beyond.

Were there repeat dates after the first?

Now let’s apply the concept of not-self to each of these steps and explore the ramifications. Must? Oh well

1) Find

Now that you’re free of your notion of yourself, you’d be willing to go more places and try more things that you would consider “out of place.”

For me, that would be going to sporting events. Or the racetrack. Or to a pottery class.

Let me ask you this: do you like beer? Golden sushi? Chances are you’re a fan of at least one of those things.

Well, I have news for you. As a doctor, I can tell you that no child likes beer or sushi. It’s just disgusting, UNTIL you try it and develop a liking for it.

And the same is true of the fixed notion of the self. When you lock yourself into who you think you are, sometimes at the tender age of 20, then you have LIMITED your world, who you are, and what you are capable of.

The fact is that the more places you are willing to show up, the more activities you are willing to try, the more chance you have of meeting interesting women.

And, incidentally, to have a rich and interesting life.

So you don’t think you’re the dancing type? Well, why don’t you sign up for a dance class and find out (by the way, one of the easiest and most effective ways in the world to meet women, they have no choice but to latch on to you, geez).

This is the top of your pipe. And you can totally blow it up by trying out the idea of ​​not-self and experimenting with new versions of yourself.

2) Meet

This is always the area where most men look for a better way.

She’s hot, she’s standing there, there’s no Plexiglas shield around her, no Dobermans attacking you, and yet you can’t come up and say hi.

What is the deal?

Some guys say, “Well, I don’t want to offend her.” As if it is THEIR feelings that they are concerned about. And saying ‘hello’ would be somehow offensive.

Nice try, friend. The truth is that you are a coward, because the almighty goddess could make you feel like a mosquito hitting you. Oh no

It’s not about her. It’s about your ego. And how you could potentially get hurt in this interaction.

Now if there is no self, then there is no ego. No ego means no bruises, which now means no fear.

Oooh! Suddenly you’re bulletproof. And it’s not because you’re ‘sure’. It’s because you went to a level BEYOND trust, where trust no longer matters.

I’ve always had a problem with the whole notion of trust. “Hey man, to get girls you just have to be confident.”

A whole bunch of nonsense.

For me, trust is like a wall. And for any wall, there’s a battering ram, wrecking ball, or bunker-busting tactical nuke that can destroy it.

Trust can be broken. I want you guys to have something that NOTHING can break.

The idea of ​​not-self is like water. Can you turn off the water? Can you break it? It just flows around any obstacle and reforms as if undisturbed.

That’s not-me, my friends. It’s what the trust wants to be when it grows up.

3) Get contact information Once again, when there is no self, there is no ego and there is no fear of rejection. So you’re much more willing to reach out to her, do whatever it takes to get the contact information, and be on your merry way.

This is known as ‘Te’ or right action. And when there is no me to get in the way, you become a conduit for You. And you get incredible incredible results.

4) Follow up

Guys ask me, “When should I call her?” And I say in the Tao of Dating (available at http://www.thetaoofdating.com/order if you don’t already have it) sooner is better than later. Follow up within 24-48 hours whenever possible.

But the real answer is that you should do it when it feels right to you. And when there is no self, then you will act less on fear and uncertainty and more in line with your gut.

Do you feel like calling her the next day? Have to! Who cares about protocol. Are you afraid of screwing up the phone? Well, there’s no me, so there’s nothing to screw up. Just do it.

This whole idea of ​​not-me can be quite liberating, huh.

5) Second meeting/first date

Here’s a problem. You are on your first date. What do most guys do?

Talking endlessly about themselves, that is. Partly because they’re uncomfortable with empty airtime, and partly because they’re trying to boost their own sick ego by showing how cool they are.

Well, if you didn’t have a self, then you wouldn’t worry about empty airtime and you wouldn’t have an ego to boost. And instead, you would do the most attractive thing a man can do in the presence of a woman:

LISTEN TO HER.

Yes. Just listen to her, brother. Take a genuine interest in her. Ask “What do you mean by that?” or “What is important to you about that?” draw it.

Your expert execution of the not-self concept will also strike her as a creature of absolute mystery, which means tremendously attractive, as I cover in chapters 9 and 10 of The Tao of Dating.

Also, it is impossible for you to be upset or upset by anything he does or says. There is no me for you to be angry! This will make you look unflappably calm, which is also very, very attractive.

6) Progress to intimacy

Guys tend to get nervous at this stage. “When should I kiss her? Should I wait until the end? Should I use Reverse Reversal Triple Strike on her? What should I do?”

Take a deep breath. Relax. And realize that any first kiss anxiety you have is really anxiety about having that first kiss thwarted. And that’s all about the ego.

When you push that ego aside, it’s like you’re clearing internal blockages, allowing your natural feelings and instincts to surface.

Listen: Three MILLION years of evolution have put exquisitely sensitive and precise circuitry in your head and body to let you know when to kiss her. The very survival of the species depends on it.

When you are selfless and therefore calm, collected and collected, you immediately know what that look in their eyes means. And you will go for the kiss immediately, without hesitation, because you are fully present. No manuals needed.

And later, when you’re more intimate, you’ll enjoy your togetherness more as an act of sharing and less as some sort of performance. Which, paradoxically, will improve your performance.

Ready for one more?

7) Third encounter and beyond

From the outside, the not-me looks like you’re just a solid guy. Imperturbable. Solid spine. A standing guy. Women like that. And they’ll come back for it, over and over again, because it’s so rare.

Also, the not-self allows you to be driven by love. Because you’re not with her to try to get something from her. You are not with her because it gratifies your ego. You’re not with her because you don’t want to be alone.

You are with her by choice and for the mutual flowering of the spirit. And to have a good time together. And when the time comes to separate, the not-self will also allow you to do so with greater grace, since you will not take anything personally.