Give up thumb: Solve thumb sucking in a few easy steps

While it’s perfectly reasonable to want your child to stop thumb sucking, it would be nice to know that some of the perceived dangers of thumb sucking may not be based on fact. Here are some common misconceptions:

the myths

1. My son will still suck his thumb when he is 12 years old!

Not likely. Statistics show that less than 9% of children who suck their thumbs continue past the age of 5, with the vast majority quitting between the ages of 2 and 4. And of those children who still suck their thumb at 5, most will stop. as they begin to identify with their peer groups and don’t want to be the only ones in kindergarten with their thumbs in their mouths at story time.

2. It will ruin your teeth

This may be true, but only after children get their permanent teeth, which will start to happen between the ages of 6 and 8. In older children, chronic finger sucking may begin to change the shape of the oral cavity. But luckily, the vast majority of kids will have stopped doing it on their own by then anyway.

3. He is using it as a crutch

While it’s true that young children who discover their thumbs use them for comfort, this doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t be able to learn coping mechanisms to deal with stress or calm themselves later in life.

4. A pacifier is better

Many parents tell me that they would rather their child used a pacifier, because at least they can take the pacifier away. But in my experience, many parents say this and then don’t take it back! If the pacifier is your child’s sleep aid and you use it to get comfortable, then it becomes just as difficult to take it from your child. Many parents let the pacifier wear the bedding longer than intended. I had a client confess to me that she still let her 5 year old son sleep with her pacifier for this very reason.

So with these common fears out of the way, there really is no right or wrong, just personal parental preference. Just like some parents use timeouts and others don’t, there are many different ways to do things. If you’ve decided you need to stop thumb sucking, here are some ways to help your child quit for good. These tips are designed for children ages 3 and up.

The key to solving thumb sucking is getting to the heart of why your child is thumb sucking. Every child is different, and some may only use their thumb when trying to sleep, others only when upset, and others at every opportunity. In each case, it has become a habit, and as we all know, habits are hard to break. A really effective tool is the reward system. Offering the benefit of NOT thumb sucking is sometimes all the encouragement children need.

Four steps to help children stop thumb sucking

Step 1. It is important to find out why and when your child turns to the thumb. During the first week, have a pen and paper handy, and write down every time you see your child’s thumb in his mouth. At the end of the week, review your list and see if there is any consistency. Do you always suck your thumb around 4 pm while watching your favorite show? Does he suck his thumb with the other toddlers in the playgroup because he’s nervous or shy?

Step 2. Identify what the reward is for your child. For example, if you notice that she sticks her thumb in every time she hurts herself, then the conclusion would be that her thumb helps her deal with the pain. If you notice that your thumb sticks in every time you’re watching TV, then your thumb is being used when you’re idle.

Step 3. Now that you know what he’s using it for, you can offer him something in exchange for the thumb. For example, if he’s about to watch his favorite show, offer him a bowl of grapes to eat while the show is on. If he sucks his thumb when he hurts himself and just tripped on the stairs, you can rush in and offer him a long hug followed by a quick distraction like a game or his favorite toy.

Step 4. A table of rewards for a full day without sucking can be helpful. You can offer your child a small treat or toy at the end of the day if they are successful. I also find that the more immediate the reward, the better the result. If your child is old enough, suggest that she come and tell him whenever she feels like sucking her thumb and doesn’t, so she can offer him a reward. It doesn’t have to be a big gift, just an M&M or a gummy bear for every time she resists temptation.

How to deal with nocturnal thumb suckers

Bedtime tends to be a very popular time for thumb sucking, so you’ll need to find some other alternative that can be just as comforting. Tying a ribbon around the thumb or wearing a light pair of gloves can work as a reminder, so that when your child puts his thumb in his mouth, he gets an instant reminder of what the goals are. You can also buy your child a new bedtime toy that has a texture that they can rub their thumb against instead of sucking on it.

final thoughts

Remember that bad habits are hard to break and take time and encouragement. I don’t find that punishment or prodding work well when it comes to discouraging a habit. Kids are known for power struggles and you don’t want to turn it into a battle of wills.

If your child is old enough, you can sit her down and tell her about a habit you worked hard to break (drinking coffee or biting your nails, for example) and make it clear why you’d like her to stop. If you can think of a way to make it about him instead of yourself, you’ll be more successful. So, for example, if you’re worried about his teeth, you could say how great it would be if he had the best smile in football photos next week. This will help internalize the process.

Once your child sees that there are other things they can do to calm down and has been reminded enough times to take their thumb out of their mouth, they’ll stop sucking their thumb before they know it!