How to improve communication in a difficult situation
There are many reasons why a person cannot communicate verbally. The answer could be as simple as a stubborn will. It is most likely Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, or other medical problems, including reactions to certain medications. When words run out or memory fails, even for a short period of time, we have to learn other ways to communicate so that people feel valued and loved.
We have all been surrounded by people who find it difficult or impossible to speak. If they are long-time friends, we wonder how to respond if they don’t recognize us. If we look the other way or find an excuse to leave quickly, the end result can be embarrassment, rejection, or hurt feelings.
Follow these basic guidelines to improve communication in any situation.
1. Always take the time to acknowledge someone you meet in public.
Have you crossed the street to avoid running into an old friend with Alzheimer’s? Greeting the hurt partner with a handshake and a genuine smile could boost their confidence and help them work through awkward situations. Depending on the circumstances, you can offer to carry bags, buy a cup of coffee, or promise to faithfully pray for them.
2. Acknowledge each person you meet in a household.
Jenny was taking care of her elderly aunt who was deaf. On my first visit, no one introduced the aunt even though she was in her wheelchair in the middle of the room. Before greeting anyone else, I went straight to the frail little woman whom I hadn’t seen before. With a wide smile, she took my outstretched hands and squeezed them tightly. She needed to be recognized and encouraged.
3. Find creative ways to communicate non-verbally.
A young man will drive all day to spend a few hours with his grandmother. Their days of verbally visiting him are gone forever, and yet this is a special time for each of them. Before the grandson visits his parents or anyone else in the home, he goes straight to his grandmother’s chair. Her quiet little world suddenly lights up when he smiles, hugs her and asks, “Would you like a candy bar, Grandma?” The excitement will build as he slowly unwraps a Hershey bar. There are no words to describe the very real and intense “conversation” that follows as he makes sure Grandma knows he loves her.
4. Accept the situation as it is; not how you would like it to be.
When a mother bluntly says, “I’m not your mother,” you have to accept the fact that, in her mind, you’re a stranger looking out for her. Whether she knows you as her daughter or not is not the main issue. She needs to know that the person caring for her loves her and she needs to be sure that she is in a safe environment.
A need for acceptance is built into each of us. We long to please, to be a part of the activity in our environment. We need to feel loved.
Experience has taught me that when my own feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, or exhaustion arise, all I need to do is find someone to love a little. There is true healing in a kind word or a hug. Jesus said, “Love one another.” I trust that you will find someone who needs a big hug and a smile and share with them today. It’s contagious.