Relationships: Can someone’s adult relationships reflect what happened during their early years?

​If someone is inclined to end up in relationships that are not very satisfying or even abusive, it may be normal for them to experience pain. Also, as a result of what keeps happening, they may come to see themselves as unlucky.

This area of ​​their life will be more or less out of their control, which means there will be very little they can do about it. Because they have this perspective, they may even have moments where they feel like a victim.

external support

What you may find, if you have this perspective, is that there are many people in your life who validate your point of view. Several of your friends, for example, could also be in a similar position.

They can then get together and talk about how unlucky they are and wonder when their luck will change. Then there will be very little they can do, as what is happening ‘out there’ will be what needs to change.

Popular culture

The view that someone is just an observer of this area of ​​their life and does not play aside is something that is raised in movies and television series. Someone may seem to end up in a bad relationship.

And since this is what the entertainment industry often presents, it’s no surprise that so many people hold this view. The problem with this point of view is that it’s not exactly empowering.

a hopeless place

Having this perspective, one could end up feeling extremely jealous of people who are in fulfilling relationships. It might seem that these people have something that they have made themselves.

If this is so, one might believe that there is absolutely no chance that this area of ​​your life will ever change. The pain you experience in this area of ​​your life could end up impacting every other area of ​​your life.

Two levels

But even if the conscious mind believes that it is unlucky and even a victim, that does not mean that this is the truth. However, for one to discover why this area of ​​his life is the way it is, he will most likely need to dig deeper into himself.

The reason for this is that it is happening in your conscious mind and it is also happening in your unconscious mind. What is happening in the second has a much greater effect than what is happening in the first.

Self-victimization

When you understand this, you will realize that you are not a victim, which will allow you to see that you do have control over this area of ​​your life. The downside is that when you’re not aware of how another part of you is impacting your life, it’s perfectly normal to feel helpless.

It will seem as if something out there is holding you back; when in reality, it will be what is going on inside them that is holding them back. What this emphasizes is how important self-knowledge is when it comes to living a fulfilling life.

totally overlooked

Perhaps the main reason one will lack self-knowledge is because this is not something the education system touches. In general, the whole purpose of this system is to indoctrinate people, not to allow them to develop a better connection with their own being.

During this time, then, one has most likely been taken even further from oneself, not closer. Self-knowledge is something that one will have to develop for oneself; no one else is going to do it for them.

The priority

When it comes to the unconscious mind, this part of them will only want to experience things that are associated as familiar. For this part of them, the familiar is classified as safe.

Therefore, this part does not care if something is empowering or fulfilling, for example, it only cares about having experiences that are familiar to you. With this in mind, it’s not hard to see why someone might end up suffering when out of touch with this part of their being.

two needs

So while one may consciously want to be with someone who will treat them well, another part of them may have a need to be with someone who will not. To their unconscious mind, the part of them that has the greatest effect, what they can feel safe about is being around someone who is abusive.

Alternatively, one may want to be with someone who is emotionally available, but being with someone who is not may be what feels safe deep down. Not being aware of what is happening at a deeper level will be like walking in the dark; whereas when one is conscious it will be as if a light had been turned on.

back in time

The reason why being with someone who is abusive or emotionally unavailable may be what you feel safe may be because of what happened during your formative years. This time in his life would probably have set the stage for who they would be attracted to as adults.

Hopefully, once they’re aware of what’s going on, they can do something about it. So while it may be difficult for one to accept that they are not simply an observer of what is happening, they will at least be able to embrace their own power.

Awareness
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If you can relate to this and want to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.