Ground rules for date night with your spouse

I asked my husband for a date for next weekend. He paused for a second before saying yes. That was weird. Why did my own husband stop when I asked him out? He was trying to figure out what he meant by “Would you like to go on a date next weekend?” Your guess is as good as mine as to what he thought he meant. Clearly, we don’t do this often enough.

For my husband and I, dining alone at a nice restaurant doesn’t happen much. Experts say Date Night should happen once a week. The children of those experts should be in college. Or maybe they never had children. What. I figure if my husband and I can reconnect in a romantic atmosphere once a month, we’re doing pretty well. Anyway, we are not heavy romance people. Having an ice cream at the Dari Hut and bringing it home to surprise my husband for the night is fun with a nice enough touch of romance. For me personally, it’s the time we spend together that matters, not what we’re doing.

For our next date night I have everything planned. I have my outfit all chosen. I stood in line with Grandmom & Poppy to babysit our two little girls, ages two and four. I made reservations at a restaurant that has tablecloths and a piano bar. We’re both looking forward to it, but I have to say I’m feeling a bit nervous. Since we don’t spend much time alone together these days, I thought it would be a good idea to set some “ground rules” for our date. These rules might also help you if you spend more time in Family/Mom and Dad mode than Romance/Husband and Wife mode. Here are the rules I came up with:

1. Set a preset time to talk about “business”: the kids, the house, finances, work, etc. When time passes, stop.

OK, so what issues does that leave? Do you remember what it was like to date your spouse? Before having children? Did they previously live in the same house and share every intimate detail of each other’s clothing and other personal habits? Do not? Join the club. To start a conversation, you may have to do some homework. Read a book so you can share the plot while eating a salad. Find an interesting story to share. Ask your spouse about his favorite restaurant as a child. Or what was the best Christmas/Hanukkah/birthday present from him? Or what was his favorite part of his honeymoon: I might even bring some photos to jog his memory. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you know everything. Much remains to be discovered.

2. When one of you veers off course (which it probably will), the other should gently guide the conversation toward discovering more partners. If he says, “That little league game was great! I was so proud of the way Johnny caught that fly ball.” She can say, “I’m proud of him too. I’m also proud of what a great father you are. The first time I was proud to be with you was when…” See? A smooth transition away from the kids and back to your memories.

3. Flirt with each other. Use your non-verbal messages in that “come here after dinner” way. Why not? You ARE married, after all!

4. Order dessert. Forget your diet. Pamper yourself a bit. It’s not like you do this all the time. Don’t order the fruit cup with a drizzle of Grand Marnier cream, unless you live in Alaska, it’s the dead of winter, and you miss fresh fruit, or that’s what you REALLY want.

5. Laugh.

6. Hold hands. Share a few bites of each other’s dinner. Look at each other. See #3 above.

I hope that soon you will have the opportunity to use these rules with your spouse. If you don’t have your next date night planned yet, here’s your chance to plan one. Do it right now while you’re thinking about it, even if you have to plan for it a couple of weeks down the line. Then you’ll have something fun to look forward to and some rules to help you enjoy the night when it happens.

© 2007, Felicia Slattery.