I’ll Take Alternative Health Care – Keep The Dogma

There is a lot going on in the healthcare cafeteria these days. The usual brunch ladies are picking up their game. The school population is in an uproar over the same old dishes that are served day after day, as the quality does not improve with rising prices. Unfortunately for us children, drug dealers are becoming more and more obnoxious and intimidating. It appears that there are dealers selling at least three new drugs at each table. It’s no wonder antidepressants and anxiety medications are passing fast on the geek’s table. “Anyone paranoid around here? Step up boy!”

Luckily for some of us, after the lunch bell we are joined by cool alternative health guys and well-meaning shamans and set up their own stalls. “Don’t you want the corn dogs and goulash today? Do you want to get rid of those smugglers? We have better products at a price you might like!” Lately I’m lining up in the bleachers for these guys most of the time. I’m sick of the typical lunch line, I don’t love the snack bar options or vending machines, and I’m honestly a little scared of the shadier looking merchants. Herbal teas and tinctures taste good and seem to work. Preventive medicine is undeniably delicious. To top it all, there is nothing better than a good massage during your lunch break. There is no better way to present yourself in Spanish class with a smile on your face: “I’m sooo good, thank you!”

Just … sometimes some of the health hipsters annoy me a bit. It’s hard to say they don’t mean well. Clearly, they are working hard for the benefit of the public. In a cartoon world, they are superheroes fighting the real Dominican Republic. EVIL. In their shaman batcaves, they enslave themselves by preparing their herbal remedies and crystallizing pure energy, while doctors in white coats negotiate dirty deals with Big Pharma. They are even brave enough for close combat with beasts like logic, science, and linear thinking! I said “beasts”, and I meant it. Generally, linear thinking is helpful. Logic can certainly get you out of a bind. Science has taken homo sapiens quite far down the evolutionary ladder, no doubt. But, like anything else, these are human concepts that implode and disintegrate when pushed to extremes. People already need to know when the horse is dead. I’m pretty sure the dead horse philosophy applies to everything and everyone except The Big Man Upstairs.

So now we return to the dogma. Health hipsters don’t like medical dogma, but they want to help sick people. They offer us another way, which can often be a better way. I’m pretty sure this group will always charge me some money until I finally kick it. I can even have a special hipster ceremony at my funeral, as a final tribute and offering. The only thing I don’t like about these guys is their tendency to adhere to their new and improved dogma. “Hey kids! Don’t fall in love with that old malarkey. Come here and get a taste of this crisp new ideology with flava crystals!” Wait a minute! Isn’t that a packed ideology that you were trying to escape from in the first place? I said I didn’t want a corn dog anymore. A vegan corn dog with flava crystals really isn’t going to appease me, guys.

How about some examples? Well, let’s see. Since I have suffered from an idiopathic disease in addition to the mysterious and illusory condition called Lyme disease, the last three years have given me a plethora of concrete examples of alternative dogmas. Combine these with the countless comments I’ve heard as a mother of two boys born in the last three years, and you could fill 100 pages with an 8-point font size. A bullet list is probably best for the sake of conciseness:

* Hand sanitizer does not prevent disease
* Cesarean section babies suffer long-lasting emotional trauma
* Allergies don’t really exist and no one should admit they have them (direct quote)
* Each person is uniquely responsible for their own illness.
* The disease enters the body through the wind and can be burned by smoking incense sticks.
* I am a well-intentioned person, but my aura is black (WTF?)
* My mother’s soul is pure evil (this was seriously quoted to me)
* Multiple sclerosis is caused by the hardness of the heart and the will to iron.
* The flu is caused by beliefs and mass negativity.
* Sagging lines on the face come from flabby thoughts in the mind (don’t do a face lift – blame yourself!)
* Polio is caused by crippling jealousy or the desire to stop someone.
* Herpes is caused by a massive belief in sexual guilt.

I truly understand and agree that many diseases and conditions have spiritual, emotional, and psychological causes. I remember hearing my father say as a child that unforgiveness and resentment can lead to cancer. I do not doubt it. However, and this is important, there are microorganisms such as bacteria and viruses. We have something called an immune response or immune system. Some alternative health professionals may not like the sound of the word “immune” or the idea of ​​a body system that can only be properly observed with laboratory tools and implements, such as a microscope. Perhaps Petri dishes are considered bad luck according to various Aboriginal belief systems. OK. Penalty fee.

I’m not yet going to admit that influenza, herpes, and polio are caused by more than just a pathogen. No way, no way. I’m not going to believe that old age new age healers with smooth shiny skin have made it through just their positive thoughts. I don’t think that all people who are diagnosed with MS have to get down on their knees and soften their heart. In fact, I think that healers who judge MS victims in this way could use some humbling lessons as they collect cash from sad and desperate people who will do anything to heal and regain the life they once had. . I believe that using a hand sanitizer after handling a shopping cart can prevent microscopic fecal matter from the cart handle from getting into my mouth, thereby preventing me from getting an intestinal bug. I believe that cleaning surfaces prevents the spread of disease more effectively in hospitals than speeches over loudspeakers about the dangers of mass fears. If I clean my sick child’s nose, I will wash my hands. If it’s spring and I’m sneezing, I may tell you that I have allergies. When I do, I don’t want a non-allergy speech from a hypnotherapist I just met in the park (yes, this happened to me last spring).

Do you see what I mean by dogma? In case a definition is helpful, here it is (from Merriam-Webster):

Main entrance: dogma

1 a: something held as an established opinion; especially: a defined authorized principle
b: a code of such principles
c: a point of view or principle presented as authoritative without adequate grounds
2: a doctrine or body of doctrine about faith or morals formally declared and proclaimed with authority by a church

In short, I like what the health hipsters are offering. I just don’t need the added side of dogma. Weigh the plate and, after all, isn’t the goal to lighten our load a bit?