When is it time to break up with a friend?

We all have them somewhere. That friend with whom you don’t make a special effort to spend time, but for some reason you feel compelled to keep him in your life. Maybe they did something really nice for you a long time ago, or maybe they’ve been in your life so long that you can’t let them go.

For the most part, this is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s probably not harmful to you or them, so “breaking up” with them would be painful for both parties. However, if you have a friend who constantly makes you angry or hurt, then it is time to take a look at that relationship and decide whether or not it is in your best interest to maintain it. Look at the relationship and find out what you are getting out of it.

If this friend is really there when you need him, sometimes a little abrasive, then he might be worth keeping. However, what you need to do in this case is find a good time to get their attention. Take a moment when both guards are down and bring it out in a non-confrontational manner. Saying it in an accusatory tone can put them on the defensive and make it impossible to express their point of view. It may or may not stick, but at least you’ve got your point heard so that if whatever the offense were to happen again, you can report it.

If you examine the relationship and find that this person has not only never been there when you needed them or that they are constantly talking about themselves no matter what is happening in their life, you may want to consider walking away. You may find yourself frequently playing the role of the punching bag. A fun night out for a drink shouldn’t end with you plotting someone’s death in the quiet corridors of your mind. Nor should it lead to an emergency call to your therapist.

If you find this to be the norm rather than the exception, it’s time to do something about it. Try to have a conversation about it. If that doesn’t work, then make yourself less and less available to them. Over time, they will pick up on your selfish behavior or just stop trying. In any relationship, don’t forget about yourself. It’s great that you want to be that kind of friend that all of your friends can go to, but not at a significant cost to your own self-esteem. And remember, no one can use it as their doormat unless you let them.